By this time next year.

As the 1st week of October was coming to an end, my daughter (the oldest) and I begin looking around for costume ideas for her and Matthew. We come across Batman and Robin baby costumes and we can't help to say in unison "Aweeeee, they are SO cute!!"  I tell my daughter "By this time next year if we have another boy, we will dress Matthew and the new baby as Batman and Robin." We both start laughing out loud, (I know be are both picturing this in our heads, yep this was going to be fun).  We walk out of the store talking about different ideas.

October is a busy month for us, our Youth Fall  Outreach event (The Maze of Rage), was coming up at the end of the month.  This year we were extending the usual 2 day event to 5 days!  Now, THAT was going to be a challenge in itself.  My husband and I were already discussing among ourselves that by this time next year we would not be able to take charge of this event (with an 18 month old and a 5 month old, that would be putting too much stress on us). My husband was already taking precautions and taking video's of  "The Making of Rage"

I also can't help but to think during this time LAST  year, I had already been hospitalized 4 times for dehydration with my previous pregnancy (I still could not believe, I had yet to be have my arm poked and pricked for an I.V) thank God this has not happened.  I continue to get sick every morning, its like clockwork, but I can do this.  It will definitely be worth it. I begin to mention a few baby names outloud, but by husband and I of course don't agree on ANY of them.  This is going to be tougher than I thought.

October 22, 2013 - Another visit to the doctors.  I am told I am gaining weight.  Doctor listens to my baby's heartbeat and he says "sounds perfect." The doctor checks my chart and asks once again how I am doing with my morning sickness and if I need a refill for my medicine.  I respond that I have only had to use them on a few occasions this time around, so no need for a new prescription.  He then tells me that I am now due for my 1st trimester exams and gives me the paperwork needed to go to Loyola.  I know this means I will get to see my baby again soon. He then looks at my chart and says the results of your ultrasound on the 5th came back, looks like you are due on May 15th.  In my head, I wonder why he is telling me the 15th when I clearly saw and read on the screen May 10th.  Well it didn't really matter to me much, my baby was due that week and that's all I need to know.  Besides none of my kids were born on their "due dates"

We finish the month with another successful year of RAGE.  My belly is growing and I am already having to wear maternity clothes.  I make a joke with Matthew's nanny.  That by the time this baby comes around she will have known me in "prego" status longer than "non-prego" status. We both laugh.

By the shape my stomach is growing, my husband says.  "Yep, YOU are having another boy" which I truly struggle to believe because I just feel different. The family is split.  Two of us think it's a girl the other two think it's a boy.  We'll see who is right.

I realize there are times when all we really need to do is allow God to be God.  Year after year I see the faces of those who visit our event and who are ministered to.  I wonder do people realize that I am ministered to as well?  Every time, I replay the scene where Jesus is crucified for us, I am overwhelmed to know that He loves us that much.  To know that he WILLINGLY gave up his life for us when we truly don't deserve it,  is mind boggling.  No matter what our past has been like or what bad choices we have made or are yet to do, His love for us does not run out.