My nurse, whom I will refer to as "J" turned out to be the mother of a young man who used to visit our youth group. I had met her months before, and here she was. I knew that God was making sure I was aware that He was present. every detail of the day thus far, was a reminder to me that he was close by. Before 'J" even moved me to my bed she said to me "before we start or do anything, let us pray and just ask God to be here." She sat at the edge of my bed, held both of my hands and prayed for me. I recall she prayed for peace and stregth for the things to come (and boy would I need those).
After the prayer I was moved to my bed and she began the preparations to have my labor induced. My doctor came in and explained the process, it was a familiar process for me as I had labor induced for both of my girls. Afterwards, I believe it was "J" that started the meds through my IV, ( another fuzzy" moment).
The waiting time was difficult, the doctors could only give me an estimate, it could be anywhere from 2-6 hours it all depended how my body would react to the medecine. The seconds turned to minutes and the minutes to hours. I tried sleeping but could not, I closed my eyes and talked to God over and over. My husband would continously check on me. There were people from the hospital coming in to my room constatantly.
We had nurses, insurance people, councelors, and a deacon come in. There was alot going on with each conversation, but my husband handled them all.
At some point during the wait, Pastor Larry also came to see visit us. I could see the concern and hurt in his eyes. He hugged my husband and I and then prayed with us. He stayed for a while and just talked to us about alot of different things.
After Pastor Larry left, my sister, brother in law and niece came by. She stayed with me for a long time. Having her there, reminded me of my childhood days when mom had to work 2 jobs to support us and my sister Lilly was forced take on the motherly role. There she was, talking and comforting me as she had so many other times.
My mother at that time was still unaware of the full situation, she was only aware that I had gone to the hospital "because there were possible complications." My sister and I had decided it was best for her to break it to mother in person, instead of by phone. Lilly would going to mother's house after her visit with me.
It was pretty late at night when my sister left. I knew she was keeping it together for my sake, and I in turn for hers. I could tell part of her wanted to stay with me, but part of her knew she had stuff to "take care of" She gave me a kiss on my forehead and told me she loved me and would be by the house the following day. I responded "love you too, sis"
Hours continued to pass, I snoozed here and there but the contractions kept me awake. My husband called Pastor Yeze (or maybe she called him) as "the" time came nearer. She is a prayer warrior, and I needed her prayers to give me strength, to help me through this.
When she arrived she shared a song with me "This too shall pass" by Yolanda Adams. (Still difficult for me to hear this without crying, but still hanging on to this)! After some time she began praying for me with my husband. I could feel something stirring inside. At some point while she was praying for me, I became nauseous and began vomitting over and over. They managed to close the prayer but the waiting continued...I began bleeding substantially, over and over but still had not delivered the baby. I drifted off to sleep once more...waiting and waiting some more.
Things I can remember of these hours in waiting was how bad I wanted to see my child. I wanted to hold him/her. I asked God not "why" but rather "how" I would get through all this. His reponse was simple "with ME my child, that is how." My flesh fought to understand this, How can I deliver yet not get to keep my child. How can I go home empty handed, How do I tell people, etc. etc.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DBBwHztD3cs
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